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Reflections:

Hypnobabies

{BOP}

I know a lot of you were waiting patiently to see how Hypnobabies worked out for me and if you read my birth story,you know that it sort of didn’t. If you followed this blog for a few months, you are aware how diligent I was about hypnobabies training and daily exercises. I was good, I was really good… I did everything I was supposed to, even the part where I have to blindly believe that HB will work ( which is SOOOOO not like me to just blindly believe in something). But I figured if I had a prayer of natural labor, this would be it. So I trained.

I have to say that in the beginning I was very impressed with Hypnobabies and the strength that it put me out with. I really felt it working. However, towards the end I felt like the tracks failed to “take you under” properly, they sort of just skipped through the whole process and you were supposed to “assume” you’re under hypnosis. I didn’t feel I was under hypnosis, not the way I did with the earlier tracks, but I continued because accordig to the program, you don’t have to “feel” anything for it to work.

So when my contractions started I did what I was trained to do which is the finger drop technique ( where you basically relax your whole body with the drop of your index finger). I thought it was working, I thought I was relaxing and managing through contractions. Granted, I don’t know how severe they were supposed to be, so I am not sure how much of it was Hypnobabies and how much was just that I was handling the contractions on my own. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t tensing up, I was doing my thing…

I think it all broke down when we got to the hospital. It’s very possible HB WAS working up until then, but as soon as I had people to talk to and things to do, I was concentrating less and less on the tracks and relaxation. Yes, my husband was “supposed” to talk to everyone for me. And he did, but I still listened, was curious, wanted to talk to the nurses, too. I don’t like to stand by and watch, I like to partake. And I believe that’s where it got me.

I remember I first started getting the shakes in the triage. The shakes that I now know were my muscles tensing up.

I thought it was hypnobabies helping me get through contractions and I guess I’ll never know if it were, but there was something that nurse, who teaches hypnobirthing said, that I tend to agree with: “If your relaxation was working, you wouldn’t feel it at all as pain, you’d be relaxed. Your uterus muscles wouldn’t be working hard against your tension”.

So will I try hypnosis or natural labor next time? I think so. But I’ll go with hypnobirthing program, just to see the difference, and I’ll give natural labor a shot once more. If it doesn’t work, well, no harm done.

{end of BOP}

Hospital bags

What we packed for labor and delivery was a topic of much discussion. Somehow everyone knew exactly what I will need or more importantly not need or what our particular hospital allows. It especially humored me when one lady announced that it’s stupid to bring a bunch of stuff and leave it in the car, because my husband would have to run 20 minutes there and back from the hospital to the parking lot to get necessary items. And that’s considering our birth center has its own parking lot right in front of it and it takes about 2 minutes to  get to it. Talk about assumptions!

So here’s how it ACTUALLY worked out:

I was packing a lot of stuff pretty much knowing that I’ll use only a fraction of it. But since we have a big SUV and a close parking lot, it was better to come over-prepared than under-prepared. So I took pretty much every suggestion that made sense from the comments to my hospital bag question post. To my surprise, I used A TON of what we packed, and what I didn’t use I was glad I brought in case my experience were different and needed them. I won’t mention things that everyone agreed I should take (like chapstick), but will list things that were questionable.

• Blow up mattress (for hubby to sleep on since everyone said how bad those pullout couches were). We ended up finding a better solution: sleeping together in my hospital bed. It was comfy, we were together and honestly I needed the closeness of my husband after such an emotional experience. Also, the few hours that he did nap on the couch, he said it wasn’t that bad at all.
• I was very happy to have packed my own pads and underwear. Those hospital pads and mesh panties were HORRIBLE. First of all the mesh panties were so big they kept sliding down under the weight of everything they have you put down there. And pads weren’t absorbent at all. I was very happy to switch into my own stuff the next morning when the bleeding subsided.
• I didn’t use any of the lounge clothes I brought for the hospital. I spent the whole time in my dearjohnnies gown- it was easier, better access to boobs and checks and just as attractive.
• I did get to wear the Boob Design going home dress with no problems. It was comfy, stretchy and I felt good and nice looking in it! Definitely preferred walking out of the hospital with my new baby looking radiant rather than grubby. Though I have to admit, it was largely due to my easy recovery. Had I felt like crap, I probably would have wanted to wear sweat pants and one of my Boob Design nursing shirts.
• I really enjoyed having my own soft blanket and body pillow with me. It made it a lot more comfortable to labor with them and then later sleep with.
• Lavender oil diffuser was an interesting addition. I didn’t even notice the smell at the time since I was busy laboring but all the nurses commented on how they loved coming into our room because of how good it smelled.
• I loved having our own baby blankets and clothes to dry Lexi off with and dress in. It felt a lot more special that way than using standard issue hospital blankets.
• I didn’t get to use a breastfeeding pillow because honestly Alexis would get so frantically hungry there was no time to fumble with a pillow.
• Even though I packed the Victoria’s secret robe into my “just in case” bag, I did get to use it. The hospital was so cold that I had to put it on top of my Pretty Pushers gown and then cover myself with a blanket.

Conclusion: The second time I do this (if I do), I will pack the exact same stuff. This was not a first time mom overpacking. This was a “I want to cover every case scenario” overpacking. And having gone through it now, I’d pack everything once again, because I don’t see anything that won’t possibly get used depending on the situation. Every labor is different, and I don’t presume that my next one will be anything like this, so items I didn’t get to use this time, I might need next time.

Epidural

Honestly? I hate to say it because I feel like I’d be betraying  all the women who have ever attempted med-free childbirth but I loved it.
I had originally wanted an epidural but after finding out about hypnobabies and the possibility of painless med-free childbirth, I was going to try without it.
Had my labor been shorter, I would have done just fine during the contractions. BUT… I am terrified, just thinking about pushing without an epidural! I mean, seriously! After going through it with an epidural, I can’t imagine tearing and being stretched out without it. So much that I will have to think long and hard before I decide to go without next time.
My 2 big concerns with an epidural had been:

1. Leads to pitocin and then a C-section
2. Baby is born not alert/ hinders breastfeeding.

Well the first one: we would have needed pitocin no matter what since my labor stalled and I’m glad I didn’t get to experience it without an epidural.
Second: Alexis was screaming before they even pulled her body out and stayed super alert for the next few day s- obviously that didn’t influence her.

So epidural- pretty damn good. Should you try to labor naturally? Heck yeah!!! Drugs free labor is still the best way to go in my mind. But not everyone’s situation is conducive to it. Chances are your labor experience will be very different!

Hospital experience

Completely different from what I was told and expected. We went in ready to fight for my rights but were given the green light to do whatever we wanted. I feel I got a birthing center experience in the safety of a hospital. Wonderful nurses, great atmosphere, friendly staff, no interventions that I didn’t opt for myself.  The only downside was all the medical personnel coming in to check on us every 45 minutes around the clock. That was very frustrating, but at the same time, everyone was so nice, I don’t hold it against them.

Recovery

I already wrote about my recovery here, but once thing I’d like to mention was this miracle lotion from Zita West that I found invaluable. Zita West is a team of reproductive health care specialists, dealing with fertility, pregnancy, pre-conception planning. They have a line of pregnancy related products that is worth checking out. I used the Pre-conditioning Down Under oil for my perineal massage as it contains moisturizing carrier oils and no fragrance. It lasted the whole 8 weeks of the massage without having to use it sparingly.

But the true miracle lotion I have to mention was the Comfort Down Under. It’s meant for postpartum, but I started using it during pregnancy whenever any issue would arise. It literally HEALS any cuts, soreness, itchiness in a day. After delivery, I used it every time I’d go to the bathroom and the combination of its healing properties as well as a cooling sensation it gives were a God’s sent at that time. I continued using the lotion all throughout the first week or two and would recommend it to ANYONE. As a matter of fact, it’s definitely a lotion to keep for other issues, since its healing powers are truly something to behold. Witch’s Hazel is nothing compared to this bottle.

So if you’re pregnant, definitely look into buying at least the Comfort Down Under, if not both oils. Also if you’re in UK and TTC, I’d recommend you look into Zita West pre-conception resources and services.

Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post. Zita West sent me a sample of the product to try, however all the opinions are 100% my own.

Also read:

Birth Story Part I
Birth Story Part II

Breastfeeding Journey
Breastfeeding Products that Helped 

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Since I’m so behind on weekly updates, I’m going to lump them all together.

Postpartum update

Week 1 and 2 Photos (I totally forgot to take front ones for week 1- we were so exhausted I’m surprised I actually took a picture). Click on them to see large.

Since there has been no change, I won’t be posting further pictures. However, once I start working out, I might resume the progress shots if there’s any noticeable change that can be seen through photos.

Recovery

My recovery has been amazing. Honestly, there was not much to recover from. I had no pain, super light bleeding that virtually stopped after the first week. My butt was sore for a bit from pushing and sitting on my glider all day long but nothing bad enough to even take ibuprofen for. I had no afterpains, or any other pains. My body was sore for a total of two days after we arrived home and then I went back to feeling completely normal.

Body

My belly took about a week to contract back leaving me with a nice fat-ish stomach for week 2 and 3.
After delivery I immediately lost 20 lbs and since then not much at all. It actually took me a week to even remember to weigh myself.
At this point I still have 17 lbs to loose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight but I don’t see myself taking the time to actively work on it until Lexi is out of her fourth trimester.
Luckily it doesn’t really bother me – I’m happy with how I look for now. In a month or so I’ll start trying to slowly get toned and fit again.
One thing that has been strange (and does need to be worked on soonrer than later) is the layer of fat left over from the pregnancy. I have never in my life had a fat roll on my stomach when sitting down. It’s not necessarily my “accomplishment”, to be honest- it’s that my body just doesn’t store fat in my stomach area. Legs-yes, but not my abs. So it was almost “cool” to be able to grab onto something squishy there (cool for one second and then it had to go).
The almost four weeks of exclusive breastfeeding have done nothing to reduce my fat stores or weight, probably because of my mom’s cooking and my mostly sedentary lifestyle (I either breastfeed or lie down with Lexi all day so that she’d sleep)

What else? My boob size has exploded like predicted. Hubby is digging it!

Oh stretch marks! I’m happy to report that I got out of the pregnancy battle unscathed!
I was hoping I wouldn’t get any but I really didn’t think I’d be so lucky!

Whether it’s mostly genetics or the diligent use of Mama Mio oil and proper hydration helped, I don’t have a single mark on my body.

My linea negra is still partially there but I figure it’ll fade over time.

Emotions

Again, it seems that, just like in pregnancy, postpartum hormones have not been messing with me much.
Of course, the initial weeks have been more emotional than normal. Of course, the pain and challenge of breastfeeding coupled with lack of sleep did mean I was frustrated easily, however it was nothing out of line. Times when I got upset and frustrated would have been just as frustrating and upsetting whether I had given birth or not (trying to teach a proper latch while in horrible pain at every latch-on, not understanding your new baby’s cries yet, all the usual suspects of being a first time mom).
Possibly my pleasant birth experience and non-existent recovery are responsible for lack of baby blues or maybe I’m not that susceptible to hormones ( I never got emotional during pregnancy either). And now that things are getting figured out I’m happier than ever.

Having a newborn

It’s really not THAT hard, taking care of a newborn. They have limited needs and desires and all you have to do is cater to them. That is if you’re properly set up with familial support, financial security, no rush to get back to work, etc. Of course, as soon as you introduce an “extra wrinkle”, things can become hard to handle physically and emotionally: twins, health issues, difficult recovery, single mom, no family around, another kid, having to go back to work.

What makes it hard even in an ideal postpartum situation, however, is lack of experience.
Not knowing whether your baby’s cry means she’s hungry or sleepy, not knowing if she’s in pain, not knowing if what you’re experiencing is normal or there’s some kinda of problem, not knowing if fast breathing, coughing, spitting up, extended belly, red rash, loud cry, frequent feedings, grunting while sleeping are normal for newborns (all normal btw). That’s the hardest thing! Worrying that your baby is ok is the most difficult part of taking care of a newborn (unless you have one that just sleeps all day and doesn’t bother you with “issues”)

We have dedicated ourselves to keeping Alexis as comfortable as possible even though it means breastfeeding every 30-40 min during the day or waking up every hour at night or holding her all day because that’s the only way she’ll nap and baby girl needs her sleep.

Alexis Update

week 1

week 2

week 3

{organic footie is by Finn&Emma}

She’s been doing the following things since week 2:

• smiling
• holding her head well during tummy time
• oohing and aaahing and even a few agoos
• attempting to talk to us ( you should see her mouth move and her little brain trying to figure out where her tongue  goes)
• being a demanding little girl (ok, she had this one downpat since birth)

New week 3 developments:

• her gaze follows objects and people
• greets me with a smile 70% of the time
• has a very strong grip
• finally notices objects in the mirror
• slept a “whole” 2.5 hour stretch at night (woohoo!)
• took her first “mommy and me” bath –  It is SOOOO the way to bathe her. We both get into the tub and she lies on my chest while Andrew washes her. She enjoys it SOOO much you should see it! At the end of a bath, I take her and float her in the water- I think it reminds her of the womb.
• finally liked her Moby and took her first trip into town to pick up sushi while hanging out in her wrap, got a ton of attention from passerbys and slept  right through it all
• has developed a really funny demanding pre-cry (I’ll post a video some time)- it’s a one syllable ”AH!”

General preferences:

Footie by Finn&Emma

• LOVES after nap stretches ( potyagushki)
• is mesmerized by her black and white board
• finally paid attention to her first book: The Circus McGurcus
• if in the mood, really enjoys full body infant massages
• really doesn’t like going to sleep.  Who wants to miss out on all the action?
• the boob is her BFF! She eats and eats and eats and then wants more!
• has improved her latch immensely. It was  difficult training her but it’s so worth it
• loves talking to us. We have full on “conversations” with that girl.
• doesn’t mind her diaper being dirty. If she wasn’t a loud pooper, we’d never know she has a dirty diaper.
• loves her grandmas

What we’ve been up to this week:

• reading a ton of newborn and baby development book ( luckily I have a ton of time while breastfeeding and a nook app on my iphone). FYI, I’ll be making a list of worth while books the same way I did for pre-pregnancy and pregnancy here (which still needs to be updated, since I read a lot more than listed)
• not taking showers
• eating more sweets than I should :)
• taking every opportunity to snuggle with my baby
• taking more photos than I can ever go through and yet feeling like I haven’t been taking enough.
• took our first family photos and totally sucked every single one of them up. Wow, self-portraits with a newborn is a bitch and Alexis is way too needy of a girl to ever pull it off. I can’t imagine having someone else take photos either because she doesn’t give us a second of a cute face when we need it.