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Reflections:

Hypnobabies

{BOP}

I know a lot of you were waiting patiently to see how Hypnobabies worked out for me and if you read my birth story,you know that it sort of didn’t. If you followed this blog for a few months, you are aware how diligent I was about hypnobabies training and daily exercises. I was good, I was really good… I did everything I was supposed to, even the part where I have to blindly believe that HB will work ( which is SOOOOO not like me to just blindly believe in something). But I figured if I had a prayer of natural labor, this would be it. So I trained.

I have to say that in the beginning I was very impressed with Hypnobabies and the strength that it put me out with. I really felt it working. However, towards the end I felt like the tracks failed to “take you under” properly, they sort of just skipped through the whole process and you were supposed to “assume” you’re under hypnosis. I didn’t feel I was under hypnosis, not the way I did with the earlier tracks, but I continued because accordig to the program, you don’t have to “feel” anything for it to work.

So when my contractions started I did what I was trained to do which is the finger drop technique ( where you basically relax your whole body with the drop of your index finger). I thought it was working, I thought I was relaxing and managing through contractions. Granted, I don’t know how severe they were supposed to be, so I am not sure how much of it was Hypnobabies and how much was just that I was handling the contractions on my own. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t tensing up, I was doing my thing…

I think it all broke down when we got to the hospital. It’s very possible HB WAS working up until then, but as soon as I had people to talk to and things to do, I was concentrating less and less on the tracks and relaxation. Yes, my husband was “supposed” to talk to everyone for me. And he did, but I still listened, was curious, wanted to talk to the nurses, too. I don’t like to stand by and watch, I like to partake. And I believe that’s where it got me.

I remember I first started getting the shakes in the triage. The shakes that I now know were my muscles tensing up.

I thought it was hypnobabies helping me get through contractions and I guess I’ll never know if it were, but there was something that nurse, who teaches hypnobirthing said, that I tend to agree with: “If your relaxation was working, you wouldn’t feel it at all as pain, you’d be relaxed. Your uterus muscles wouldn’t be working hard against your tension”.

So will I try hypnosis or natural labor next time? I think so. But I’ll go with hypnobirthing program, just to see the difference, and I’ll give natural labor a shot once more. If it doesn’t work, well, no harm done.

{end of BOP}

Hospital bags

What we packed for labor and delivery was a topic of much discussion. Somehow everyone knew exactly what I will need or more importantly not need or what our particular hospital allows. It especially humored me when one lady announced that it’s stupid to bring a bunch of stuff and leave it in the car, because my husband would have to run 20 minutes there and back from the hospital to the parking lot to get necessary items. And that’s considering our birth center has its own parking lot right in front of it and it takes about 2 minutes to  get to it. Talk about assumptions!

So here’s how it ACTUALLY worked out:

I was packing a lot of stuff pretty much knowing that I’ll use only a fraction of it. But since we have a big SUV and a close parking lot, it was better to come over-prepared than under-prepared. So I took pretty much every suggestion that made sense from the comments to my hospital bag question post. To my surprise, I used A TON of what we packed, and what I didn’t use I was glad I brought in case my experience were different and needed them. I won’t mention things that everyone agreed I should take (like chapstick), but will list things that were questionable.

• Blow up mattress (for hubby to sleep on since everyone said how bad those pullout couches were). We ended up finding a better solution: sleeping together in my hospital bed. It was comfy, we were together and honestly I needed the closeness of my husband after such an emotional experience. Also, the few hours that he did nap on the couch, he said it wasn’t that bad at all.
• I was very happy to have packed my own pads and underwear. Those hospital pads and mesh panties were HORRIBLE. First of all the mesh panties were so big they kept sliding down under the weight of everything they have you put down there. And pads weren’t absorbent at all. I was very happy to switch into my own stuff the next morning when the bleeding subsided.
• I didn’t use any of the lounge clothes I brought for the hospital. I spent the whole time in my dearjohnnies gown- it was easier, better access to boobs and checks and just as attractive.
• I did get to wear the Boob Design going home dress with no problems. It was comfy, stretchy and I felt good and nice looking in it! Definitely preferred walking out of the hospital with my new baby looking radiant rather than grubby. Though I have to admit, it was largely due to my easy recovery. Had I felt like crap, I probably would have wanted to wear sweat pants and one of my Boob Design nursing shirts.
• I really enjoyed having my own soft blanket and body pillow with me. It made it a lot more comfortable to labor with them and then later sleep with.
• Lavender oil diffuser was an interesting addition. I didn’t even notice the smell at the time since I was busy laboring but all the nurses commented on how they loved coming into our room because of how good it smelled.
• I loved having our own baby blankets and clothes to dry Lexi off with and dress in. It felt a lot more special that way than using standard issue hospital blankets.
• I didn’t get to use a breastfeeding pillow because honestly Alexis would get so frantically hungry there was no time to fumble with a pillow.
• Even though I packed the Victoria’s secret robe into my “just in case” bag, I did get to use it. The hospital was so cold that I had to put it on top of my Pretty Pushers gown and then cover myself with a blanket.

Conclusion: The second time I do this (if I do), I will pack the exact same stuff. This was not a first time mom overpacking. This was a “I want to cover every case scenario” overpacking. And having gone through it now, I’d pack everything once again, because I don’t see anything that won’t possibly get used depending on the situation. Every labor is different, and I don’t presume that my next one will be anything like this, so items I didn’t get to use this time, I might need next time.

Epidural

Honestly? I hate to say it because I feel like I’d be betraying  all the women who have ever attempted med-free childbirth but I loved it.
I had originally wanted an epidural but after finding out about hypnobabies and the possibility of painless med-free childbirth, I was going to try without it.
Had my labor been shorter, I would have done just fine during the contractions. BUT… I am terrified, just thinking about pushing without an epidural! I mean, seriously! After going through it with an epidural, I can’t imagine tearing and being stretched out without it. So much that I will have to think long and hard before I decide to go without next time.
My 2 big concerns with an epidural had been:

1. Leads to pitocin and then a C-section
2. Baby is born not alert/ hinders breastfeeding.

Well the first one: we would have needed pitocin no matter what since my labor stalled and I’m glad I didn’t get to experience it without an epidural.
Second: Alexis was screaming before they even pulled her body out and stayed super alert for the next few day s- obviously that didn’t influence her.

So epidural- pretty damn good. Should you try to labor naturally? Heck yeah!!! Drugs free labor is still the best way to go in my mind. But not everyone’s situation is conducive to it. Chances are your labor experience will be very different!

Hospital experience

Completely different from what I was told and expected. We went in ready to fight for my rights but were given the green light to do whatever we wanted. I feel I got a birthing center experience in the safety of a hospital. Wonderful nurses, great atmosphere, friendly staff, no interventions that I didn’t opt for myself.  The only downside was all the medical personnel coming in to check on us every 45 minutes around the clock. That was very frustrating, but at the same time, everyone was so nice, I don’t hold it against them.

Recovery

I already wrote about my recovery here, but once thing I’d like to mention was this miracle lotion from Zita West that I found invaluable. Zita West is a team of reproductive health care specialists, dealing with fertility, pregnancy, pre-conception planning. They have a line of pregnancy related products that is worth checking out. I used the Pre-conditioning Down Under oil for my perineal massage as it contains moisturizing carrier oils and no fragrance. It lasted the whole 8 weeks of the massage without having to use it sparingly.

But the true miracle lotion I have to mention was the Comfort Down Under. It’s meant for postpartum, but I started using it during pregnancy whenever any issue would arise. It literally HEALS any cuts, soreness, itchiness in a day. After delivery, I used it every time I’d go to the bathroom and the combination of its healing properties as well as a cooling sensation it gives were a God’s sent at that time. I continued using the lotion all throughout the first week or two and would recommend it to ANYONE. As a matter of fact, it’s definitely a lotion to keep for other issues, since its healing powers are truly something to behold. Witch’s Hazel is nothing compared to this bottle.

So if you’re pregnant, definitely look into buying at least the Comfort Down Under, if not both oils. Also if you’re in UK and TTC, I’d recommend you look into Zita West pre-conception resources and services.

Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post. Zita West sent me a sample of the product to try, however all the opinions are 100% my own.

Also read:

Birth Story Part I
Birth Story Part II

Breastfeeding Journey
Breastfeeding Products that Helped 

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Before reading Part II, please read Birth Story Part I

(…) We called the nurse to do a cervical check.

I’m 3.5 cm 50% effaced!

No progress! Twelve hours of intense frequent contractions did absolutely nothing!

My first thought was “Thats it! I want an epidural!”  I was too tired and sleepy to fight any longer. And as if by command, before we were even able to discuss it or tell the nurse, my contractions started spacing out. They were coming 4-5 min apart. It was like my body’s way of telling me to relax.
In retrospect, I can see that I wasn’t able to effectively relax during contractions (even though I thought I was). Instead my body had to work really hard against my tension (hence no progress and super strong frequent contractions) which is exactly what I was trying to avoid by doing hypnobabies but obviously it didn’t work for me.
I think if my body was given a chance to rest, the contractions would have picked up again but I was so exhausted and sleepy at that moment, I didn’t feel I had the energy to wait and see even through spaced out contractions, so we requested an epidural. Cynthia administered the IV drip, and after they made us watch this silly 70s video, my anesthesiologist came in and took care of the rest. The procedure was painless and I felt relief almost instantly. Aaaaaahhhhh! It’s easy to become an epidural convert when the relief is so immediate.

Later, when I was going through the photos taken during labor, I found this photo immediately followed by the one below it.

{It’s like a commercial for medicated birth}

The first thing I tried doing was SLEEP! Oh the glorious gods of slumber! It was great! I didn’t really get to sleep for a long period of time but just resting for an hour made all the difference.

Soon the nurse shift changed and a new nurse, named Jackie came in. She was actually  a hypnobabies trainer. She was a goofy woman and luckily now that I had an epidural, I didn’t mind joking around.

She talked to me about getting some Pitocin to get the labor going since an epidural slowed it down a bit more as well. I suggested we wait an hour or so and then see. Realistically, with enough time my labor would have picked up on its own but none of us wanted to sit around and wait till that happened. We wanted Lexi and we wanted her now. {Funny how impatience can get the best of us}

We figured if in a few hours it doesn’t pick up, we’ll be ok with a low dose of Pitocin. I wouldn’t have wanted to have Pitocin to start the labor, because it would sabotage my chances of  laboring without pain relief but since I was already hooked on an epidural, it didn’t really matter much, as long as it was administered wisely.

My OB came in to talk to me in about an hour and I repeated what I had told the nurse. That “generally” we don’t mind starting a pit drip, but we’d like to wait an hour to see what my body does on its own.

I have to mention that at the hospital my nice sweet OB was more bossy and strict. It wasn’t a bad change, per se, but I did feel like i had less say in the matter than before. So after an hour of lack luster contractions we went ahead with the first low dose of Pitocin.

Contractions picked up quickly and were coming regularly. The goal was to up the dose every 20 min until they come every 2-3 min apart again. As far as I remember we upped the dose 3 times.
Pitocin was first administered at 10am and I was fully dilated by 2pm. The whole time I just hung out on my phone, not feeling a thing waiting for the drugs to do their job.

Around 2 pm- 2:15 pm we were ready to push. Her head was right there. After every push it would come out and then get sucked back in. We like to say that the first thing that was born was a curl of dark hair! Before we saw Alexis, we saw her curl for a few contractions.

It was really frustrating to push while numb. I felt helpless and ineffective. BUT it WAS painless. I clearly remember thinking (and still do) that while the pushing with an epidural was frustrating, I was not sure I wanted to experience it without, seeing all the stretching my OB was doing there- Yikes! Speaking of stretching, I won’t go into gory details, but it appeared that my OB was in a hurry and wanted to speed up things a bit ( he had to make a call to his office saying he’d be there in 30 minutes) and used his hands “freely”. My husband believes it was one of the reasons why I got 1 tear ( 1st degree). In the end, we decided that we didn’t mind, because him stretching me out meant less pressure on Lexi’s head and since I didn’t have a painful recovery, it was all for the best.

After about 30 minutes of pushing her head came out and it looked sooooo little! Before she was even pulled out completely, she started crying. She was so alert the whole time. She was immediately placed on my chest where they sucked liquid from her nose and mouth and Andrew started drying her off. I didn’t want to post more graffic photos on here, but there are 2 photos in particular that don’t show anything per se, but are pretty cool since it was the exact moment of Alexis being put on my chest with the cord still attached. The photos are blurry and bad quality but they mean the world to me. You can see them here:  Photo  Photo 2

Then he wrapped her in one of our Bambino Land organic blankets and put a hat on her. I just remember her looking soooo scared and helpless. And there was so much love for her in that instant. Like I said before we didn’t feel overwhelming love, we felt this calm deep feeling of knowing we’ve always loved her- like a “duh” feeling. She was soooo sweet and adorable and scared and she needed us to keep her warm and safe and comfortable. She just lay there on my chest frantically sucking her fist. It almost makes me cry just thinking about how scared she must have been.

{Organic Hat and Recieving Blanket is by Bambino Land}

The rest was a bit of a blur. I breastfed her- she latched onto my boobs like a Hoover vacuum and killed my nipples that first time.

After some bonding time when everyone left us alone, the baby nurse came in to weigh her and do routine procedures.

We were so wrapped up in this little girl we had been waiting for for so long that we didn’t even bother to ask her measurements.

After a while I got put into a wheelchair and with my baby in my arms wheeled up to the recovery floor.

It was almost unreal to have this tiny being in my hands- the one who spent 9 months inside me, submerged in water, upside down, with food and oxygen delivered to her, perfect temperature, no outside influence. It’s her little feet that stretched across my abdomen, her butt that stuck out whenever we touched it.

I spent the whole post partum time at the hospital wearing a designer hospital gown by dearjohnnies. I didn’t feel comfortable putting my own clothes on, because anything loose would feel too bulky under the covers and let’s admit it, pictures wouldn’t have turned out half as good if I wore the hospital provided one. Once again, just like Pretty Pushers gown, you can read about dearjohnnies and win a gown for yourself here.

Those first days before my milk came in on day 2 Alexis ate every 2 hours and slept sporadically (mostly stayed awake and alert) and pooped 1 and 2 diapers a day (which was exactly what I read and everyone tried to tell me was wrong). The next day Andrew drove home to pick up my mom, who stayed with us at the hospital for the day. She even held Alexis in her arms for a few hours just so that we could both get some sleep.

We both didn’t sleep at night because Alexis wouldn’t, so we weren’t even up to having visitors at the hospital – we were so exhausted from days of no sleep that started before delivery. To add insult to injury, medical personnel for some reason thought it was a good idea to keep coming in at night, turning lights full on and cheerfully and loudly announce that it’s time for them to take Alexis temperature right as we FINALLY put her to sleep.

One night this doctor comes in (after we had spent hours shushing and rocking her and finally got her to sleep) and insists on turning the brightest lights in the room and waking up Alexis because she needs a full body exam since “it’s been 24 hours”. It made no sense to me….  After he wakes her up and undresses her, he looks at the name tag and non-challantly announces that he’s got the wrong person. Lol I was ready to kill him right there and then.

{Swaddle in both pictures is by Bambino Land, purple onesie is by Best Baby Organics}

Originally, we were hoping not to introduce a pacifier until breastfeeding is established, but this girl LOVED and NEEDED to suck, so we gave in. It’s funny now because she spits every single one of them out.

Whenever they needed to take her somewhere to test her hearing or anything else, Andrew went with them. We never let her out of our sight and never let her be without at least one of us.

On day two We got cleared by both OB and ped to go home. By then I felt relatively good and had almost no bleeding. My body was still sore and it was a bit hard to get up but in the excitement of going home that got completely overlooked. I took a shower, brushed my hair, put some make up on and got into my going home dress, put my favorite cupcake footie on Alexis and felt like a new person, a new family, going home.

We only took a few shots on the way home and I would have really liked to have had Alexis out of the car seat, but they wouldn’t let us out that way. I still looked about 6 months pregnant going home (Thank you Boob Design dress for not making it obvious!), but by 2nd week I was back to “visibly” semi-flat stomach.

I loved driving home in the backseat with Lexi holding my thumb, only 2 days old and so adorable.

All in all, I consider my labor experience to be great, despite not doing it med-free and ending up with Pitocin. I got to labor for 10 hours without medication, I experienced the relief of an epidural without any side effects that sometimes follow it, I would totally do it again and pretty much with the same plan of action: try to get through it without pain relief, but in the end get an epidural if it’s too much to handle.

My next post will be Reflections on Birth Experience, where I’ll try to write my feelings and thoughts about the process, Hypnobabies, my hospital bag, the epidural and so on.

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As I am working on the list for my hospital bag, I thought I’d ask you about some of the items you took to the hospital and found useful.

A random comment will win a Cranberry Red Balloon CD of children’s music (US only)

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Part I- Preparations

Part II- Health Insurance ( maternity coverage)

Part III -  Vaccination and Testing

Up until 2 months ago I still didn’t have my OB situation figured out. I needed to find a really good OB who I would do my pre-conception check up with and go all the way through delivery. I didn’t really like the idea of having to interview different OBGYNs and possibly having to pay for each office visit.

Lucky for me, my friend Anna was getting ready to give birth and she found, what turned out to be one of the best doctors I could have hoped for, Dr Thompson. Both her and two of her other friends gave birth using Dr Thompson and all three were in “love” with him. Later, my husband was given a OB referral from a client of ours and when he came home to give me his number , it’s turned out to be the same doctor. So at this point I had 4 people telling me he’s awesome. I had to check him out.

The office visit went surprisingly well. He listened a lot, gave good advice, spent a ton of time discussing our needs and wants with us. Looked through my prenatals that i had already been taking, told me my uterus looked fine ( lol) and in general was a really really nice guy.

See, normally I go for younger male OBGYNs.  Male because I feel a lot more comfortable being naked around a man than a woman, and especially when it comes to touching and looking up my hoo-ha. It just seems to me that  it’s more natural. I’d rather a doctor enjoy doing what he’s doing than think it’s gross ( which, as a female,  is what I’d think if i had to look up other girls’ vaginas all day long). And young because I feel young doctors are more updated on cutting edge medicine, statistics and education, which is what I’d like. I’d pick change and progress  over tradition any day.

Dr T. was my first older OBGYN ( in his 50s-60s) and I don’t think I minded it.

I asked him about his C-section stats and how he felt about episiotomies. I also knew a lot from my friends who delivered with him, like the fact that he’d come to deliver your baby even if he’s not on duty which is a HUGE bonus ( my friend went into labor at 3 am and he came to deliver it even though it was not his shift).

Next, I checked out the hospital that’s conveniently located across from his office. The Birth Place seemed really nice with a lot of security, the rooms were big and exactly what you’d expect. I was satisfied.

I also discussed water births with my doctor and he didn’t think it was such a good idea ( even though the hospital offers it), because of the risk of infection ( which i tend to agree). I definitely want to give birth in a hospital. The idea of a midwife freaks me out, because I am very much a scientific person who’s all for advancing our knowledge and procedures. I would not want to do a at-home birth – too much can go wrong. However, I also do not want any unnecessary intervention, like inductions and vacuums and such. No pitocin for me even if I’m past due or progressing slowly ( unless the baby is in real danger). I realize I might think differently once the time comes, but for now those are my decisions. I do want an epidural- I do not see the reason to endure the pain if you don’t have to, considering that the risks are minimal.

So that’s my plan for now. I’m very happy with how and where it’s all going. I’ll continue reading  books and real life experiences on blogs and modifying my ideas and desires accordingly. I also cannot wait to watch the “Business of being born” documentary. I started watching it a few weeks ago, but decided that it would serve me better if i watch it when I am actually pregnant.

At this point, I’m through all of my 5 pre-conception books and have memorized everything that i need to do and stay away from before conception. When our health insurance goes through and we actually start trying I’ll start on my 5-7 pregnancy books ( ok, to be completely honest- i already started on two- i couldn’t hold back :))

Otherwise, things have calmed down for me, especially with the new realization that we’re both perfectly healthy and should be very fertile and that sort of just gave me a really nice peace of mind ( i almost typed “piece of mind” lol).

My Hubby seems to be very excited about a prospect of having a baby soon as well. We spent the  first few hours of our Saturday morning reading the first 20 pages of day by day pregnancy ( 2 weeks before conception + 1 week after), discussing genetics, googling dominant and recessive features ( it seems our baby has a 50/50 of inheriting either his blue eyes or my green eyes). 

{ It was fascinating to read about eye genes. Apparently there are 2 genes only: Bey2 (brown/blue) and Gey(green/blue). I knew that blue was recessive and brown -dominant, but I always wondered where green and grey colors stood.  It turns out grey is simply a variation of blue color that is lacking melanin. And green color has it’s own gene that it shares with blue, just like brown shares with a different blue gene. So in Bey2, brown is dominant over blue, in Gey- green is dominant over blue, and Gey green is also dominant over Bey2 blue (did I lose you yet?). So my green eyed self has to have Gey gene ( he-he she says “gey gene”!) and my blue eyed husband has to have  blue/blue gene ( either gey or bey2). So if i pass my green along, it’ll override my Hubby’s blue, thus giving our baby green eyes, however if I do have the blue/green gene ( which I’m pretty sure I do, because my dad is green eyed and my mom is blue eyed), then I might pass my blue part of the gene down and our baby will have blue eyes. Honestly, i don’t care- i think green is exotic and beautiful and blue is traditionally beautiful, so either way it’ll be beautiful! So there! }

Please tell me someone got something useful out of that boring paragraph about eye color gene :)

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