Letters to Lexi: 4 Months

Written by Elena @The Art of Making a Baby. Posted in BABY, Letters to Lexi, Monthly Updates

Dear Baby Girl!

I’ve been searching for ways to talk to you and tell you the story of how you grew up and nothing I come up with seems significant or important enough. While this blog is a mix of my journey to parenthood, our life events and discoveries, I still feel there’s something missing. Something that is coming from deep within my heart, that makes it so easy to write and express my feelings about being your mommy. And what I realized is that what’s missing is me talking directly to you, so that some day when I am not even there, you could read these words and know your mommy loved you and did everything to ensure the best life for you.

So I’d like to start Letters to Lexi, as a way of talking to you through time. Maybe you will be able to go back to these when you have children of your own, when you’d be able to relate better.

4 months…

I feel like an eternity has passed since you came along. An eternity of knowing you, being with you, kissing your chubby cheeks, enjoying your smiles and struggling to put you to sleep. So much has changed in these 4 months. You’re a different baby, you’re a PERSON.

You light up every morning when you see mommy. You’ve developed a clear preference for me, something I tried to avoid by including your dad as much as possible, but secretly enjoy and am happy for. I know that in just a few short months, you’ll become a daddy’s girl, so I savor these moments of being the favorite.

From the moment you wake up till the second you go to sleep, I crave to be around you. My most miserable days are the days when I have to be working and your daddy is with you. I walk over to you every few minutes, I listen for your cries and squeals, I long to hug you and rock you to sleep. I hate my work days and I wish that all I could do is just spend time with you.We both still can’t believe we have a daughter, that YOU are our daughter. Honestly, I feel it’s such a HUGE privilege to be your parents. You’re an extraordinary little girl and you show that daily. The processes and thoughts that go on in your brain are fascinating to me. I see you looking everywhere, trying to make sense of the world, searching out our faces for emotions, waiting for a smile so that you could squeal in delight. It takes but a second for us to meet your eyes when you light up, as if you’ve been waiting for us to look at you for centuries.

You laugh so much! It’s the sweetest sound in the whole world to hear that rolling laugh and boy, have you been rewarding us with it. All I have to do is tickle your cheek with my nose, or pull on your legs and you burst into laughing. I thought you laughed a lot before for your age but this is beyond anything I could have imagined.

You have the most birlliant smile I have ever seen in my life. The way your eyes light up and your face becomes so girly and sweet, it just melts my heart. You become a completely different person for those seconds when your mouth is open in a wide grin and your eyes get those little wrinkles on the sides.

You’re really too much fun. You’ve developed this high pitched scream, that is different from your earlier squeals. This one is so full of energy and so full of YOU that it can’t be ignored. It’s an “O-M-G-I-A-M-S-O-E-X-C-I-T-E-D!” kind of scream. And when you’re unhappy, you scream too, just in a more demanding way. I think you like how it sounds and feels and I love you experiencing it. I promise you that I will not tell you to stop, that I will not set unnecessary limits on your happiness and self-expression because of social expectations and norms. Not now, not later. You can count on that, girl. You can scream and squeal and be as happy as you want to be and you’ll never hear from me “Sh! We’re in public!” (well unless we’re are in a place that requires silence).

You’ve been lifting your head up (looking up) for a few months now and that makes you look like such a grown girl. When you sit in my lap and you hear me talk or just get bored, you lift your head and look up at me with a sweet smile and I just really really really love that.

You love when daddy puts your on his arm tummy down and “flies” you all over the house. There’s just a hint of a smile, but mostly a serious face and you scan your surroundings from a different perspective.

You’ve developed so many preferences. You’ve always been very particular about things you don’t like, but now I see specific things that you LOVE.

You get sooo excited about going for a walk in your stroller. The second I put you in your Mutsy, you start laughing and your eyes sparkle. And when we pass trees, oh, how you love them- your legs start kicking and your eyes get soo big. You get incredibly quiet and content when I sit you up face forward in my Nordic Carrier and you will not make a sound as long as you’re facing out.

You’re even more passionate about things you don’t like. If I flip you to face me in a carrier- oh watch out! You are not going to have ANY of that.

You get so frustrated when you can’t get a teether in your mouth and you belt out a yell of anger and your hands shake from frustration.

You dislike nap time so passionately. You now know our routine and as soon as I walk up to the last item we say “Good night!” to, you KNOW and you start fussing. (update: for the last week, you’ve gone down for a nap almost without a peep, such a great progress)

Tummy time has become a favorite activity of yours. Again there’s lots of squeals and smiles and looking around. It gives you a different perspective, doesn’t it? You don’t seem to be interested in rolling over, you get all the way on the palms of your hands and look around, then balance yourself on one of them. And man, do you army crawl like a pro. Just give you some leg support and you’re off at a speed of light (sometimes you drag your arm underneath you and that’s no fun). If you find no support for your feet, you just scoot around the mat. You can turn 180 degrees in a matter of seconds.

Anything that touches your hand goes in your mouth. I have been trying to replace some questionable hanging toys with organic ones, so that I could let you suck on them with no fear and you love those even more. You love Sophie and your Lifefactory silicone teether and you just got some new organic toys from Apple Park and judging by how you were eyeing them as I was taking them out of the box, we’re going to have a new favorite.

Bathtime is probably your most favorite activity of the day, except for nursing. You wiggle and smile and scream and bounce in our arms the second we undress you. It’s so much fun to see the anticipation of your favorite activities in you.

We’ve also developed a few games that you love to play. Any time you grab a piece of cloth in your hand (be it a blanket or your sleeve as I am dressing you), and I try to tug it away from you, you laugh and squeal with delight and tug back trying to shove it back into your mouth. Sometimes a simple act of a blanket dancing on your belly sends you into a rolling laugh.

You LOVE nakey time and I really need to give you more opportunities to wiggle like worm. You start your “nakey” dance when I lay you down on the bed naked, you thrust your hips and move around and dance and smile and squeal.

You’ve also suddenly and unexpectedly grown out of swaddling. What a surprise for us, as we recently found just the perfect swaddle for you. But you’re a big girl now and you want your arms free and over your head. I get it!

You also found your thumb just a week ago, but don;t know to suck on it for comfort yet. You just put it in your mouth and lick it or hold it there.

Nursing has become an entertainment for you. You lie there in a craddle hold with your one arm behind me, scratching the chair by my back and the other arm in a fencing position floating in the air. You’re as distracted and distractable as can be. You get such a kick out of pulling off my boob right as it starts letting down and you get hosed with several sprays of milk while your mommy scatters to grab something, anything, to cover it up so that both of us wouldn’t get soaked. I always fail and we end up needing a change of clothes. Yeah, lotsa fun, isn’t it?

You’ve discovered that you can see a lot better if you arch your back and look up and now pretty much any activity means you’re arched all the way out, my gymnast. I can’t feed you without your unlatching and arching your back to see if it’s daddy who passed by. Oh and if someone utters a word, let alone carries a conversation when you’re eating, you drop everything and arch and turn to see who’s talking. You’re so cute!

You’ve also had this weird episode twice now. Whenever daddy or grandma leave to run errands and are gone most of the day, you act like you don’t recognize them when they come back and your lip comes out and you have this sad face and you look to me for reassurance. That hurts daddy a lot, I am sure. It takes you a few hours to “remember” who they are and smile back at them.

You absolutely adore bouncing on my knee or my head or being thrown (or more like lifted, because we’re afraid to actually throw you) into the air. If you’re upset with something, one of these activities are sure to put at least the tiniest smile on your face.

You’ve gotten this new habit of arching your back at everything. I carry you around like a little baby and you arch your back and look at everything upside down and you just love it. I think you’re loving the new control you have over your body so anytime I hold you, you look like a curved C.

You’re on the move, girl! In just a couple of days you’ve been crawling (army crawling, not hands and knees) non stop. If you are on your tummy, you no longer want to passively lie there looking around. You grunt and complain trying to move forward until one of us gives you something to kick off of and you’re gone. You crawl and grunt and speak so loudly but you love it. You get from one end of your tiny love mat to the other in 3 pushes. We need to get you a Supermat.

You still don’t get why you need to roll somewhere if you can belly crawl there. You’re kind of skipping it completely which not good, baby. You need to learn all the skills. Hope you figure out rolling at least after you start crawling. lol

You’re also all over me. You love it when I lie down and lay you tummy down on me because you’ll wiggle and roll (yes you’ll roll on me) and crawl and arch and are just so much fun!

{I can’t help it but laugh at this picture}

You like:

  • Itsy Bitsy Spider (especially when the rain comes down)
  • Tummy time and crawling (i.e. squirming)
  • Circus McGurcus 1,2,3
  • Gumming things, especially our knuckles
  • Bun Massages
  • Baths
  • Getting strapped into a stroller
  • Facing out in a carrier
  • Trees
  • Watching mommy and daddy eat
  • Mommy
  • Touching mommy’s ear while sleeping
  • Laughing with mommy
  • Looking around (that’s an understatement)
  • saying Ah-goo
  • being thrown in the air
  • when I hug you really close
  • standing up from a lying position as opposed to sitting up
  • your bouncy entertainment activity center (or whatever it is called)
  • nakey time
  • Looking up while arching your back

You don’t like:

  • Sleeping
  • Getting dressed
  • Getting your arms massaged
  • Scary bearded strange men
  • Facing in in a carrier
  • Fast let down

I love you so much little girl, you’re our world!

{Wearing in this post from top to bottom:

Picture 3: ModSwad
Picture 4: Polarn O Pyret
Picture 5: Sage Creek Organics
Picture 6: Boob Design
Picture 7: Green Baby 
Picture 8: Estella-NYC }